The Reality of Online Dating in Lagos Nigeria
By Olusayo P · May 24, 2026
When that relationship that I expected to be my last bus-stop ended, Google was one of the places where I sought succour, because those in my life during this phase just seemed to not have the right words to ease the heaviness in my chest. The multiple breakup articles that I found on Google quickly made me acknowledge that Burna-Boy was stating facts when he said, "Last Last, everybody go chop breakfast". Also, the rude realisation that my situation was not unique made me cringe; I judged myself for feeling such intense hurt from a common experience – ordinary heartbreak.
Of the different categories of breakup articles, my favourite were those ones about the stages of a breakup. These articles helped me to realise that I would eventually be fine, albeit after going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Some of the authors said there are three to seven stages of breakup, another group of authors specified nine stages, while others extended the list to thirteen stages. Personally, I think these authors should convene to agree on the actual stages of breakup, to save heartbroken people the confusion of identifying the additional stage that was omitted from the previous article. On a serious note, I read a myriad of those articles and in hindsight, I confirm that they were mostly precise about the stages a person goes through when heartbroken. However, there is a particular stage heartbroken people pass through that none of these articles address, probably due to a lack of words to describe it. It is just before the final stage of acceptance, and I call it the fool's paradise.
"...However, there is a particular stage heartbroken people pass through that none of these articles address..."
The dictionary meaning of a fool's paradise is a state of happiness based on a person's denial of the existence of potential trouble. With respect to breakup, a fool's paradise is that phase where you believe that you have reached the acceptance stage, and you are ready to move on. At this phase, you will tell friends and family that you are now healed. They will believe because unlike before when you resolutely said you will never date anyone again, they can now see your openness to the idea of dating again. Everyone goes on with their lives, and you start hoping for someone to fill the void created by your ex's absence. My motto during this stage was, "the best way to get over someone is to get with someone else". A man is as he thinks in his heart, so for the several months that followed, my mission was to find someone else. This was how my online dating escapade kicked off.
In this series, I recount my experience with online dating, so that you can have a perspective about exactly what you are getting into, if you ever decide to explore the digital world of romance. The dating applications that I used were Tinder and Instagram. In case you were not informed, Instagram is discreetly a dating app.
Gyang
I met Gyang on one of those work-from-home days that I decided not to work from home, because I was exhausted from being indoors. There was this work space around my house in Oniru Estate where I sometimes worked from. It was within the fences of a beautiful hotel, and other young working-class people like me also paid to work from the space. Apart from being a comfortable environment for work, I acknowledged the potential it held for me to meet someone interesting when I initially found the place. However, after a week, I abandoned the idea of dating anyone from that place because the two men who came there often did not tickle my fancy. The older man who always initiated conversations with me was old enough to be my sugar daddy. Unfortunately, the other one who was actually a handsome young man had me in a chokehold with his acute body odour, so I barely spoke to him.
On that fateful day, my face had been buried in my laptop screen all day until the beep from my phone jolted me back to reality around 4pm. It was Tinder notifying me that I had about fifty potential matches (i.e. men who had expressed interest in me with the hope that I would do the same), so I decided to catch a break by engaging in some swiping. As usual, I swiped left more than I did right due to my specific taste in men.
Anyone dressed like a 'G-Boy' could never make the cut. Unfortunately, a large number of Lagos men on Tinder are dressed like Yahoo-Boys
Also, any man who misspelt words was disqualified. Furthermore, anyone who had a misogynistic tone in his bio was a definite write-off; they are plenty is this group on Tinder. I have always known what I want in a man, so I make my decision to swipe left or right within few seconds of viewing a profile. As soon as Gyang's profile appeared on my phone screen, I liked what I saw but there was just one challenge. There was no full picture of him on his profile. I have no interest in a man that is shorter than me, hence, I prefer to know a man's height before starting a conversation. I can compromise on a couple of physical features except this aspect. Unfortunately, this man only uploaded pictures of his pleasantly bearded face. Nonetheless, I managed to convince myself that his face seemed like that of a tall man. He was thirty years old. He appeared reasonable and genuine, so I swiped right hoping he was not a leprechaun. We matched immediately, and I said hello before resuming my work.
"...anyone who had a misogynistic tone in his bio was a definite write-off; they are plenty in this group on Tinder..."
As I got into bed later at night, I saw that Gyang had replied. He was still online, so we were able to have a synchronous chat. He seemed interesting. After a while, he asked to speak to me over a call, so I gave him my phone number. This gesture impressed me because a lengthy chat was sure to bore me out. Imagine my shock when I answered his call and heard an 'American' accent from the other end. I assumed he was feigning the accent to impress me (the way city boys do) but he spoke like that all through the conversation. His English was impeccable. I was wondering how he came about the accent until he mentioned that he was from Jos. Knowing that M.I Abaga who also hails from Jos speaks with a similar accent, I concluded it was a Jos thing.
...to be continued